VM Book Club Review: Maude by Donna Foley Mabry

	"Maude" in an engrossing read that takes the reader through the twists and turns of American life from the late 1800's up through the late 1960's. We see life through Donna's grandmother Maude's perspective. She describes in detail the lifestyles that once were the norm for many Americans including how families dealt with profound loss, untimely deaths and early funeral traditions. Through Maude, we learn about the fascinating transition from living before electricity, indoor plumbing and toilets, washing machines, microwaves, cars and telephones to how the American way of life changed as each of these became part of everyday life. "Maude" also describes how the World Wars affected American society. She explores the transitions of early societal expectations on women and womens' rights (including when women first voted), and how marriages and families changed over the years. The book is a well written and enjoyable read. Have you read "Maude" yet? If so what were your impressions of the book?  Have you read other non-fiction books which capture American History in such an enthralling way? If so, please share.

The Ethical Will

The most important element of a funeral is The Ethical Will. An Ethical Will is, “A document in which a dying person states his or her legacy to the family. It is a statement of the individual’s hopes and dreams for his or her family, the values which he or she would like to pass on and any other thoughts or messages which the individual would like his or her family to remember.” Irish (1993) Its religious origins trace back to the Hebrew bible where it was first described more than 3000 years ago, and in the Christian Bible (John Ch. 15 – 18).
 
Some cultural universals found in the funeral rite are in the storytelling aspects of ceremony. We make mention of family history reminding each other of the awesome qualities and peak experiences we shared as well as important events that took place. We come to terms with regrets and share items that articulate our feelings with those taking part.

The Ethical Will allows us to address these issues while we are still alive. It is a method of passing the torch. We share our hopes, aspirations and legacy of values with our loved ones and hope that our wishes will be realized through them. In this way, the Ethical Will serves as a method of enculturation. The Ethical Will is a tool for empowering our descendants.

As a funeral rite, cultural norms include the passing on of wisdom, family traditions and records. We narrate pictures and teach one another about our roles. These blessings, personal values, and beliefs communicate love. It is a time of reconciliation and forgiveness. The Living Funeral focuses on a proactive message such as things we are grateful for, things we learned from experience, and things that served us well in guiding our actions. As a rule, we universally want to follow through with final wishes so perhaps we ought to send our benefactors off on a quest, their very own “Message to Garcia” of sorts. Perhaps their quest is an ancestral scavenger hunt or quest to confront a fear. 

Imagine receiving a message from beyond the grave, where someone who cared about you, shared some bit of personal life experience that could not be said in person. These messages are healing to friends and relatives who might also be inspired to repeat the favor to their forebears as well. The funeral home is a logical place to store such materials to ensure that they can and will be found BEFORE the funeral. It serves no one to have these materials stored in the back of a dark closet or secret bank safety deposit box, where they are generally found long after the funeral.

Please share your thoughts on writing an Ethical Will. How will you document your legacy to your family? What special instructions will you leave?

Widows Carry On

Today marks one year ago since my stepfather died on Easter Sunday. I’m both grateful and amazed my mother is still with us. His death was sudden and unexpected, and her grief was overbearing. I hoped she could make it at least this first year, and to see her thriving is a relief.

I would have to attribute her success as a thriving widow as having many projects that keep her busy, and having a fairly active social life. My mother-in-law’s best friend has recently arrived at her 2-year anniversary of her husband’s death. She too has kept going by traveling with her family nonstop and staying close to her family and social circles.

We can never predict when we’ll be faced with the loss of our beloved partner, but we hope to continue to find meaning in ours lives afterward.

Dementia: A Focus on the Good

Today was a good day. I had the privilege of spending 3 hours with my grandparents at their assisted living home in Southern California, after not seeing them since September of 2010.

I was happy to find their health and cognition was better than I expected. (I always imagine the worst as I live at a distance and phone calls are difficult due to hearing.) Although my grandmother (who has dementia) could not remember some things we brought up (her former job, my husband’s grandmother), she did remember me and told me how happy she was to see me. She even told me she loved me as she patted my arm. It was about 2.5 hours into my visit at that point, and came as a complete, but wonderful surprise.

This is what fascinates me about dementia and Alzheimer’s. I recently read a book about Oscar, the cat that seems able to predict death in a dementia ward of a skilled nursing facility. The geriatrician who wrote the book interviews families, and all the families commented on the selectivity of their loved ones’ memories. For many, feelings seem to be immune to the memory barrier of dementia. One particular family spoke of how when their mother and aunt ended up with dementia and were in the nursing home at the same time, they decided to place them in the same room because they’d always been close and lived together in the past. Although the sisters could not recall their own names, or each other's, somehow the feelings they’d had toward each other remained. Their rapport and connection was apparent even during the throws of dementia.

I often waiver between regrets, wishing I done more with my grandma while she was cognizant, wishing I’d listened more closely, recorded more stories, never been a rude and rotten teenager. I must live with all these regrets, but somehow today it felt that her dementia has bought me the forgiveness I was never able to allow myself. She can’t remember the bad; she just remembers the good. It’s a lesson to me. There are so many things I would be wiser to let go of.

I am grateful for what I have learned in how to deal with dementia. During my visit today, I didn’t correct my grandmother. When she said, “I don’t know”, I said, “That’s okay” or “It’s not important.” When she clapped her hands or drummed her open palm on the table, I made eye contact and smiled. I believe what I have learned of dealing with dementia allowed this visit to be one of the best visits I’ve had with my grandmother since dementia took hold.

Dementia is Identity Theft

Over the past few years, my grandmother has steadily declined into dementia. Although she is still with us in body, she is no longer with us mentally. The grief I feel over losing her began with those first episodes of her mental decline and continues to plague me in different ways as the disease takes hold in more destructive ways.

The loss of my grandmother began when she started to forget the little things. The woman who baked me a birthday cake every year from scratch, no longer even remembered to send a card, much less baked period. She could scarcely recall small things like where I was living at the time. (I’d moved a few times as her decline began.) When I would call, she’d often ask me to stop by for dinner even though she’d long before stopped cooking. This also illustrated the fact that she had forgotten the logistics of where we were in relation to each other. (I was in the Midwest, and she was on the west coast.)

A holiday visit later that year confirmed grandmother's dementia was progressing. She had begun to regress into a childlike state. She was unable to wait for the family to leave for a restaurant, but began taking cookies from a cookie jar. While the family chatted before heading out to a restaurant, she continued to interject “When are we going to eat?” When my mother arrived, she said to her, “You’re so fat.” When my mother poured glasses of wine, she asked for one even though she had not drank wine for over 20 years. (Once she got the glass of wine, she clearly did not want it, she just didn’t remember she didn’t drink it any longer.) When I returned an uneaten serving of chips into their original bag, she copied me and began returning her uneaten portion of chips back into the bag as well.

Just three months after that visit, when her health took a sharp downhill turn, she was no longer caring for herself as she once did. The woman who refused to leave the house before reapplying lipstick and some perfume, the woman who had her hair styled once a week and got manicures every other week, now had not only begun neglecting her appearance, but also stopped showering altogether. Together my mother and I had to help her to wash and dress herself. The woman who cared for mom, and then me, the woman who helped raise me when I was young, now required our care as the “adults”.

Around that same time, she had begun requiring the use of diapers during the night. She could no longer awaken in time to use the restroom in the bathroom at night. Even now as she is in a good senior care facility, she continues to say its too much trouble to shower. She also continues to refuse to have her hair styled or cut, although she did agree to let the manicurist paint her nails “Munsters” green (a color my grandmother chose). A conservative woman, I only ever saw her wear various shades of pink on her nails. I would have found it amusing if it weren’t so damn depressing.

When we went through my grandparent’s house to sort items out once she was moved to the senior care facility, I found that personal hygiene items I had been sending her as gifts over the last few years (perfumes, cosmetics, skin and hand care gift sets), sat either barely used, or completely unopened. It saddened me to see the items I knew she would have enjoyed in earlier years, the things I handpicked to gift her, weren’t even valuable enough to take with her when she left her home.

I grieve the loss of the opportunities I will never have again because my grandmother’s dementia has changed her from the functioning person she once was. I will never learn how to make her buttermilk pancakes from scratch nor her baked chicken or many of her Midwest styled recipes she knew by heart. I will never get to learn more about her family history. I will never again have the opportunity to shop with her to pick out things, from the most special (my wedding gown) to the least important (a bed comforter). Knowing these things will not happen again has led me to hold onto her old cookbooks and the last items we shopped together for, back when she was still herself.

I am angry with myself for not making the most of those opportunities when I had them. I’m angry for not learning how to cook the dishes she excelled at. I’m angry for not writing more family stories down, and for those I did record, for losing them. I am remorseful for the one time I refused to eat the birthday cake she baked me because I was being an obstinate teenager, refusing to cheat on my low-fat diet. I cannot change any of these things, and that saddens me greatly.

In many ways, the loss of opportunities is what saddens me most of all. My grandmother is still here, and could potentially have still contributed to sharing her knowledge and experience with me if she hadn’t had dementia. No one sees these things coming. We see the life expectancies lengthening, and devoid of any serious illness, we think our loved ones are going to be here for years to come. Perhaps this is denial. Nevertheless, with that mindset we never get to make the most of each and every moment. I wish I had.

These days, I fear visiting my grandmother for I am afraid of how much worse she will have become. On a visit in September last year, I was shocked to find she no longer knew who my husband was, even though she was my one and only matron of honor in my wedding just a few years earlier. (I had no bridesmaids or maids of honor, just her.) On my father’s visit a few months earlier, she was able to connect the fact that he looked like someone she'd known, but she didn’t realize it was indeed him. Although she did recognize me on my visit, I could not truly have a conversation with her because she says very little, smiles and every few minutes pats her hand on the table or taps fingers on the table. During our luncheon at her senior care home, she said she wasn’t hungry, then proceeded to take French fries off my plate. She ordered a slice of blueberry pie and when my husband’s apple pie arrived, she wanted that instead. Throughout our visit she continually asked who my husband was.

What I have found interesting in this experience of grief is how it continually keeps changing. Each time I adapt to one loss, I face an entirely new one. I have adapted and adjusted through the grief of accepting the littlest things lost (my forgotten birthday, her no longer cooking or shopping), to the grief of seeing her own care of herself and the ability to function decline. I’ve adapted to the grief of seeing her forget people in the family, to the grief of finally accepting that the opportunities I’ve lost with her are gone and will never reoccur. My grief continues to change and evolve as I see her dementia slowly taking hold in more destructive ways. I grieve the loss of her memory as it continues to fade away and I grieve the loss of my grandmother as the person she once was.

Choosing our Words Wisely

Choosing our Words Wisely

During the holiday season it’s a good time to reconsider the words we use when we discuss or introduce our extended families. The wrong words chosen can be hurtful to others and so we must consider the 4-way test of things we say, think, or do:

1. Is it the truth?
2. Is it fair to all concerned?
3. Will it build good will and better friendships?
4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

For instance, when introducing one’s step-children, one might say “This is my son and this is my step son.”

Is it true? Yes, one child is biological one is not.
Is it fair to point this out? Perhaps it is fair, but it is unnecessary.
Will it build good-will or better friendships? Definitely not for the step-child, and definitely not between the parent and step-child, or between the step-child and his siblings by marriage.
Will it be beneficial to all concerned? Definitely not.

So in accordance with the 4-way test of things we say, think or do, one might consider it best to simply introduce the two children as: “These are my children.” Differentiating which children are biological and which ones are not might be necessary in a court of law or in a medical setting when discussing heredity and family illnesses, but in the general public setting, it is not only unnecessary but hurtful as well.

I have many biological aunts who are married. I always refer to each aunt and her spouse as my “aunt and uncle.” For instance, I would never point out “this is my aunt and this is her husband.” To disassociate myself from her spouse by way of family bloodlines would be pointlessly hurtful. Regardless of how much or little I care for her spouse, her spouse is still part of our family and by pointing out he is only family by marriage does not serves to build good will or better friendships.

However close or distant we may feel about our family that is related by marriage, it is never helpful to point out to strangers specifically how they are related to you. While the differentiation may be truthful, it is never helpful in building better relationships.

And so during this holiday season, it is only sensible to choose our words wisely when introducing family. Let’s try our best to keep the “happy” in our holidays.

Home Funeral Trend

Americans - Not Caring for Our Own Dead
Periodically people you know and love will die. The one thing that is certain in life is death. There is no way around it. You and I, our family, community, the entire human civilization alive today will all pass sometime in the next century. This thought is one most Americans try to avoid.

Let’s say your grandmother has had a stroke and is near death at a local hospital. You go to her to be with her in her last moments, and then, the beloved person before you, who had cared for you, raised you, and loved you is gone. No sooner has she passed when, you are asked to leave the room. A doctor will be in to fill out the death certificate and then your loved one will be whisked away to the hospital morgue, or worse to be sliced and probed in autopsy (if the cause of death was unclear). You choose a funeral home and they take care of the rest of the process. Her body is now property of the state. The next time you see her will be for maybe an hour or two at the wake where she’s been specifically prepared for extended viewing time (some liken this as being turned into a human pickle). From there it’s time to head to the cemetery or collect her ashes. It is a process that is far removed from a personal and private investment with your loved one who has passed.

Knox (2009) explains how she felt when her young daughter passed. “I had given birth to her. She had lived with me every day of her life. I had carefully chosen what she was exposed to, what she ate, where she went to school. I was required by law to care well for her. But now that her heart had stopped beating, I was being told that her care was no longer my concern.” Knox (2009) No wonder Americans have such a hard time with loss. Death has been institutionalized and turned into a series of merchandising and purchasing obligations. The whole experience is empty, demoralizing and expensive.

In Support of Home Funerals
Home funerals assist in the healing of and recovery of survivors. One dangerous coping method of loss “is to deny its existence” (Roussell, 1999, p. 6). A home funeral gives people the extra time needed to adjust to the reality that their loved one is gone. Not only is it healthier for the grieving process to have this time, the additional responsibilities also aid the grieving process. Those who have cared for their own dead have found the experience both meaningful and empowering. Knox (1999) describes the home funeral she held for 8-year-old daughter:

We brought her home and kept her in her room for three days surrounded by her beloved toys and pictures and stuffed animals. Her friends came to be with her one last time, and took as much time as they needed to say goodbye. Her teachers came to stroke her cheek. Her brothers, her aunt and uncles, her cousins, her babysitters, her grandparents could all be with her. We could all sit with her for hours if we chose, trying, trying to get used to the idea, trying to take it all in. This small and mighty child had led us through the valley of death, and an entire community experienced a brilliant light in the deepest darkness of loss and grief. It was terrible and beautiful (p. 3).

A home funeral provides a loving, beautiful and meaningful way of saying goodbye, unconstrained by the schedules of a church or mortuary. It also gives the surviving loved ones extra time adjust to the loss. A home funeral is also more cost efficient. An average traditional funeral costs anywhere from $3,500.00 to $7,000.00, while a home funeral and natural burial can cost less than $500.00.

A good comparison of the differences between the two kinds of funerals (home versus mortuary) was showcased in the March 2009 Smithsonian magazine in an article titled “The Surprising Satisfactions of a Home Funeral”.

Legal Rights to Home Funerals
Many people do not know is that it is legal for them to take their loved ones home (in their own car) and to keep them (if cooled) for a number of days. Currently home funeral is legal in 45 states. Also, many people do not realize that embalming is not mandatory for burial and that it is actually a dangerous toxin for the environment. (Read more on the benefits of Green Burial.)

Legally, you can take your own dead home with you as long as you get the proper permit for transporting, and follow approved procedures for cooling, and length of time before burial. Even a home burial is not illegal in some states and counties.

Home Burial
The state of Oregon is silent on this issue. Title 97.120(2) says it is actually up to each individual county as to the laws concerning home burial. Most counties ask for a certain acreage amount, a distance of at least 150’ from a water supply, and at least two feet of earth on top. Before burial, the person in charge must sign the burial-transit permit and return it within 10 days to the registration of the county in which the death occurred. The practice is generally discouraged because of the potential affect on the property value. Because the practice is not common yet, society is still uncomfortable with it. Neighbors might find it disturbing to watch someone bring a body home, hold a funeral in their home, and then bury the body in their yard. However, a number of planned “Green Burial Preserves” are currently in development throughout the country to fulfill the demand for natural burials.


REF:

Alexander, M. (2009) The Surprising Satisfactions of a Home Funeral. Smithsonian Magazine. Retrieved from: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/Presence-of-Mind-Which-Way-Out.html

Knox, E. (2009) Crossings.

Knox, E. (1999). Resource Guide. A Manual for Home Funeral Care. Takoma Park, MD:
Crossings.

Oregon Mortuary and Cemetary Board (2009).

Roussell, J. O. (1999). Dealing with Grief: Theirs & Ours. New York: Alba House.

All content © Village Memorial. 2009-2010.

Social Support for Seniors

“No matter what age they are, all human beings strive to be close to other human beings” (B). For seniors, the closeness and communications they share within a social support network results in many benefits. “The literature demonstrates a consistent association between well-being and social networks in old age” (C).

Family communication plays a notable role in the health of seniors. “Intergenerational family relations seem to be of special relevance in their contribution to health and well-being of older family members. Key features of intergenerational relationships include association, help, and support” (C). The helping and caregiving behaviors towards parents by adult children have been shown to be a result of life-span attachment theory according to Cicirelli (B). The increased attachment of adult children to their elderly parents as they age enhances the detection of the parent’s needs for help and “increases the likelihood that help will be given” (B).

Although elderly parents oftentimes receive help by their adult children, help is likely mutual between parent and child. While parents have given “more services and money to their children throughout their life…children give more emotional support, household help, and care during illness” (B). Of the help that elderly parents provide, Nussbaum, (2000) notes that “housekeeping, babysitting, food preparation, and help with finances” are the most common (B). However, this assistance wanes around the time when the parent reaches 75 years in age when the children begin to give more assistance than they receive in return (B).

Perhaps the emotional support, assistance and care during illness, by children of elderly parents, helps explain what the studies have indicated - that childless elderly people are less satisfied with family life (B). “Childless widows had lower overall well-being and were more lonely and dissatisfied with their lives than were widows with grown children” (B). Personally I have noticed that widows who are childless face additional hardships when their independence is affected. When a good elderly friend of mine became ill and could no longer tend to personal errands, the fact that she was childless compounded her troubles by forcing her to pay for things her children might have provided (in home assistance, deliveries of food and or rides to appointments).

Nussbaum (2000) mentions that “one of the most important aspects of the affective nature of the parent-adult child relationship is that closeness in this long-standing relationship provides a sense of continuity as the parent and child manage transitions in their lives” (B). This closeness offers emotional support for both parent and child as “they help each other through” stressful events and other adjustments (B). Widowhood is one life adjustment when widows and widowers have found their families to be most helpful. As women’s friendships are more “companionate, rather than comforting,” “widows find their friends helpful” but “not strong contributors to support systems” (B). Relatives of widows and widowers “give socioemotional assurance, financial aid and provide a source of identity” and more often accept their “frailties and vulnerabilities” (B), further proving that family closeness provides a level of support that is far superior to other relationships in seniors’ lives.

The health of seniors is deeply affected by communicative relationships as they “seem to influence how quickly they get well” once they become ill (B). For seniors without a strong social support system, “the difficult changes that many…face—such as the death of a spouse or medical problems—can lead to depression” (A). Fortunately, findings indicate that 34% of widows and widowers receive help from family or their support network (B). However, for seniors who live alone a strong support network may not be as readily available to them. A 2004 study indicated that, “living alone was…related to decreased levels of both perceived social support and feeling lonely after adjustment for potential confounders” (D). Yeh and Lo (2004) also note that a “lack of social support is common among the elderly community who live alone, which could well be a main reason for this group to feel lonely.” The fact that, “loneliness is linked to physical and mental health problems, [makes] increasing social support and facilitating friendships” vital for seniors (D).

Clearly, the benefits seniors obtain from close relationships with family and friends cannot be diminished. Family communication encourages much needed assistance and support for seniors during difficult times or when faced with health issues. However, prior to age 75 seniors offer a great deal of the assistance to their children. For seniors who live alone they might find it more difficult to build or maintain a strong social support network, which may help to explain why some childless seniors find less satisfaction with life than do seniors with adult children.

References:

(A) Depression in Older Adults and the Elderly - Recognizing the Signs and Getting Help. (2009). HelpGuide.org. Retrieved from: http://helpguide.org/mental/depression_elderly.htm

(B) Nussbaum, J. F., Pecchioni, L. L., Robinson, J. D., Thompson, T. L. (2000) Aging and the Family: Relational Lifestyle Changes. In Communication and Aging (2nd ed.). (pp.177,192-195,232)Mahwah: Lawrence Erlbaum Publishers.

(C) Tesch-Romer, C., Motel-Klingebiel A., von Kondratowitz H. J. (2002). Importance of family for quality of life of the elderly in a social and cultural comparison. NCBI PubMed. Retrieved from: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12426880

(D) Yeh, Shu-Chuan Jennifer, Lo, Sing Kai. (2004). Social Behavior and Personality. FindArticles.com. Retrieved from: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3852/is_200401/ai_n9404648/
All content © Village Memorial. 2009-2010.

The Whales of August

Having recently been catching up on the long, historic career of Bette Davis, I was looking forward to watching one of her last films, “The Whales of August.” In the film, Bette Davis and Lillian Gish play elderly sisters. Bette’s character, “Libby” is blind and her sister “Sarah” (Lillian Gish) cares for her and maintains the home they share.

This film shed a very positive light on aging. Seniors were depicted as independent and able to care for themselves. They helped each other instead of relying on younger friends, family or caregivers. I wish I saw more of this in television and advertising. The only other media depiction of seniors I’ve seen that comes close is the “Golden Girls” where the women support each other through life’s events. However, even one of the characters on the Golden Girls, (Sofia), is cared for by a younger, though senior aged, daughter.

“The Whales of August” depicts seniors as active (walking, cleaning, cooking, maintaining health and wellbeing, visiting friends, paining oil paintings and arranging flowers). The characters blend their past, present and futures in healthy ways as they hold onto and honor traditions, but still find enjoyment the present and find future events to look forward to.

What was also notably different in this film was the way the characters embraced aging. Blind Libby asks her sister if her hair was as white as a swan. When her sister says she believes it is, Libby comments that she’d always had beautiful hair. I cannot recall any film or media character embracing age so gracefully. The two sisters in the film also dressed up for company and took great pride in the care of their hair. They did not complain about their age, appearance, or life. While I do not see this as being realistic for many, as many people have real problems to contend with, I do see it as a model for enjoying life.

By not focusing on the negatives (not once does Libby complain she is blind or cannot see what others are discussing - photos, jewelry, flowers, ocean view), there is more time to focus on the positives or approach things a new way. For instance, blind Libby is able to feel the flowers, jewelry, or sunshine, and hear a description of the photographs. She even agrees to the installation of a picture window in their living room, though she won’t be able to see out of it herself. She comments on how nice the day feels by the warmth of the sun coming in through the window. Libby depicts a woman who is perfectly content with these filtered observations, and I imagine the lesson to viewers is to enjoy interacting with others regardless and not feel sorry for oneself.

Anderson, L. (Director), Berry, D. (Writer). (1987). The Whales of August. [DVD]. USA: MGM.

All content © Village Memorial 2009-2010.

Reviews: PERS (Personal Emergency Response System)

A friend recently purchased a medical alert system (or Personal Emergency Response System – PERS) for her grandmother. She made her decision by the monthly cost and equipment fees.

Fate Care reviewed 8 companies (AlarmCare, AlertOne, Life Alert, LifeCall (aka Connect America), LifeLine, LifeLink, LifeStation and MedScope America and chose 3 based on overall costs and service contract lengths. VIEW THE FULL REPORT HERE.

LifeStation offers
• $29.95 Monthly Fee
• NO contract
• NO set up or installation fees
• Large customer base (1,600,000 customers)
• 30-Day Trial

AlertOne offers
• $29.95 Monthly Fee
• NO contract
• NO set up or installation fees
• Free Equipment (present sale offers $80 worth of equipment for free)
• 30-Day Trial

LifeLink offers
• NO monthly service fee
• NO contract
• A one-time set up & equipment charge of $199 (present sale is $199, usually costs $289)

This report was generated on July 20, 2009.
FateCare.com is not affiliated with any of the above companies, nor does it endorse these companies.
Need more information to help make a decision?
VIEW THE FULL REPORT HERE.

All content © Village Memorial. 2009-2010.

Arranging Care with Community Calendars

When families and friends share responsibilities for the care of loved ones, coordinating schedules, errands and tasks can become cumbersome. Simply trying to figure out who is taking grandma/mom/dad/uncle to the doctor, to the pharmacy, or shopping, can amount to hours spent of the phone arranging and planning. Lotsa Helping Hands has developed a free website to help alleviate such issues.

Lotsahelpinghands.com allows one to act as a coordinator and build a community of family and friends who may all share access to one calendar. Each member of the calendar can access it privately on his or her own computer. Once logged in, a member can see which appointments and errands are on the calendar, which events another person has already signed up for, and which events are open so he or she may sign up for openings that work within his or her own schedule. The calendar even sends out email reminders so no one forgets their assignment.

Calendar events listed can be as specific as necessary to be certain everyone is clear about what exactly is needed. “For example, the request to receive weekday dinners would specify the desired days and times, dietary restrictions, and delivery instructions. Or if a family requires transportation, they can easily specify pick-up and drop-off times, locations with direct links to Google Maps for directions, and appointment durations” (Lotsahelpinghands.com, 2009).

Private message boards are also open for members to share “photo galleries" and "resource sections for sharing relevant web links and documents” (Lotsahelpinghands.com, 2009).

Reference:
How it works. (2009). Lotsa Helping Hands. Retrieved from: http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/how/

All content © FateCare.com. 2009.