Funerals and Personal Hopes

Art of the Funeral

A funeral is a collaborative work of performance and art. The funeral is a time for family and friends to support one another, and share intimate memories. A misconception is that a funeral is solely for those who are religious. It is as much a moment of reflection as it is a series of events providing tasks and activities to undertake as an expression of feelings.

Weeping for Ourselves

It is important to note that as much as we grieve for our dead, attending a funeral is just as much about weeping for ourselves. Roussell, describing anticipatory grief writes, “some people have feelings of guilt and anxiety over having too little time to settle issues and put things in order for their loved ones.”1 For others, attending a funeral establishes emotional stability and security through the unspoken promise of reciprocation. 

What do you hope people will remember about you after you die? 
 

Supporting One Another

 

Funerals offered communities the chance to support to one another. For example, in a scene from the French motion picture “Amelie,” the lead character daydreams about her own funeral. She watches the procession on television and weeps at the sight of people mourning her death. We can identify with this girl. We are at center of our own universe and therefore secretly wish for others to mourn our own deaths. The funeral rite gives us the opportunity to act for others as we would wish them to act for us. When we grieve for others, we subconsciously grieve for ourselves. 

We want our presence to be missed, our deaths to be mourned, and for a death to have meaning. It explains why we host lavish funerals and grand memorials. We yearn to be remembered. Our lives must have had held some meaning. Attending a funeral reminds us that we will someday merit the same honor, respect, and display of affection. To not hold a funeral is not to observe this sacred pact. 

What do you hope people will remember about you after you die? 
Do you have special plans or hopes for your own funeral? 

¹ Roussell, J.O. (1999). Dealing with Grief: Theirs & Ours. Staten Island, NY: Alba House.

 

Funeral Directors Help Facilitate Grief

When a person dies, the world seems to continue right along as though nothing has happened, and to the bereaved this experience can be isolating. A funeral director helps the family by making sure that their beloved is cared for and honored while facilitating the organizational and legal aspects of the arrangements. According to Worden, “often the immediate family members are in a dazed or numb condition and the service does not have the positive psychological impact that it might have.”2 While this can be an issue, these families still benefit from just being with those support them through their loss. They want to be comforted. They want to be with those who understand their loss. The funeral is a supportive place to show respect for the dead, and surviving family and friends.

Do you think Americans need to be more open to public displays of grief? 
 

The funeral home and or cemetery are the socially acceptable places for mourning. This leaves Americans with few places where it is acceptable for grief to be displayed openly. In American culture, we are taught to hold back public display of pain so we do not make others uncomfortable. We are encouraged to shed tears privately, out of sight. This can create disenfranchised grief. Worden recommends, “some type of ongoing contact with these families might be considered for the purpose of grief counseling.”2 The funeral meets a family’s spiritual, psychological, and social needs as they share the pain of losing someone loved. The funeral rite gives us a universally understood social tradition to observe for coming together. Thus, the funeral is one of the few events where people are not judged as harshly for showing emotion. This makes the funeral director's job of creating conducive atmosphere for healing all the more important. By offering the bereaved a place to address these feelings, funeral directors help to facilitate grief and allow survivors to find meaning through the funeral rite. 

How have funeral directors helped you or a loved one? 
Do you think Americans need to be more open to public displays of grief? 

² Worden, J.W. (2009). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. A Handbook for the Mental Health
 

Volunteer to Help Preserve a Historic Cemetery

Looking for a way to contribute in your community? A cemetery is where we remember those who have passed before us, but many are in need of our help.

The Adopt A Cemetery program encourages volunteering and enhances historic memorial parks and cemeteries individuals, organizations, or businesses can make a difference by helping maintain sections of under funded historic cemeteries and memorial parks.

Memorial Day and Veteran's Day flags placed at local and national cemeteries, like Willamette National Cemetery (as seen in the video below) are thanks to the work of local volunteers.

Maintenance and Beautification Volunteers participate in Perpetual Care

Cemetery Volunteers Watered Grass & Added Flowers

•  Litter removal
•  Grass Mowing
•  Weed Digging
•  Flower Trimming
•  Tree Planting
•  Sodding and seeding
•  Stone cleaning – Headstones, monuments, etc.
•  Removing graffiti
•  Clean out dingy old fountains and ponds
•  Cutting back overgrown vegetation
•  Planting native species where appropriate
•  Maintenance
•  Sprinkler repair
•  Debris Removal
•  Resetting toppled headstones
•  Straightening tombstones
•  Repairing Cracked Concrete
•  Polishing plaques

Volunteer Opportunities at Local Cemeteries 

Help Document - Grave Rubbings and tombstone photographic documentation are great ways to record preserve local history for generations to come.

Give Guided Tours? - Volunteer to give a walking tours. Learn your local history and share the fascinating history with others.

Play Music - Play music in the courtyard for visitors on holidays and special memorial events.

Safety - If you see potential hazards while volunteering, stop working and communicate these with cemetery staff. Do not resume assistance until the issue has been resolved.

Have you ever helped volunteer at a local cemetery? Please share your thoughts and advice.

Do you work for a historic local cemetery that needs volunteers? If so, please let our readers know where and how they can help.

Arranging Care with Community Calendars

When families and friends share responsibilities for the care of loved ones, coordinating schedules, errands and tasks can become cumbersome. Simply trying to figure out who is taking grandma/mom/dad/uncle to the doctor, to the pharmacy, or shopping, can amount to hours spent of the phone arranging and planning. Lotsa Helping Hands has developed a free website to help alleviate such issues.

Lotsahelpinghands.com allows one to act as a coordinator and build a community of family and friends who may all share access to one calendar. Each member of the calendar can access it privately on his or her own computer. Once logged in, a member can see which appointments and errands are on the calendar, which events another person has already signed up for, and which events are open so he or she may sign up for openings that work within his or her own schedule. The calendar even sends out email reminders so no one forgets their assignment.

Calendar events listed can be as specific as necessary to be certain everyone is clear about what exactly is needed. “For example, the request to receive weekday dinners would specify the desired days and times, dietary restrictions, and delivery instructions. Or if a family requires transportation, they can easily specify pick-up and drop-off times, locations with direct links to Google Maps for directions, and appointment durations” (Lotsahelpinghands.com, 2009).

Private message boards are also open for members to share “photo galleries" and "resource sections for sharing relevant web links and documents” (Lotsahelpinghands.com, 2009).

Reference:
How it works. (2009). Lotsa Helping Hands. Retrieved from: http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/how/

All content © FateCare.com. 2009.