Re-imagine Sympathy Gifts

When a cousin's husband died recently, many friends sent her sympathy cards, flowers and/or gift baskets. Local friends and neighbors brought her a variety of cakes, chocolates and wine. Most of the food she received consisted of sugary breaded items (like cupcakes, muffins and cookies) and as a gluten free person, she could eat very little of it. 

We were surprised that no one thought to bring her any food of nutritional sustenance like meat dishes, salads or vegetables. Although she was eating very little at the time, she did not feel like cooking anything. It was unfortunate that the foods she received appeared more like Valentine's Day goodies than sympathy gifts. Sympathy foods really should be more nourishing. 

Please share your thoughts about Sympathy Gifts.

 
Have you received gift baskets of desserts after a death in your family or have you sent desserts to a bereaved friend/family member? What can we do to improve sympathy gifs to be sure they nourish the bereaved?

Caregiving Journal - Making Time

The big outing for today was a 2-hour shopping trip to the grocery store. Now this may sound silly, but you don’t know Ma.

Ma can become cantankerous on shopping trips. If she’s not hurling complaints about the store itself, she may likely wander off in a place like Costco, where she can be impossible to find at the petite stature of 5 feet 2 inches.

But today was different. Ma was walking slowly, pacing herself through the store. We deliberated on each aisle, reading what it contained, and then deciding if we needed anything on it. She reminded me of things we needed that I’d forgotten. We negotiated and came to an agreement to pass on foods that weren’t diabetic-friendly (I relented on the Gluten Free Waffles.) We talked about veggies each of us liked, that neither of us knew the other liked (and threw some in the cart.) I asked her which meats she liked and she picked out a few types. And, as we finally ended up at the register with a full cart that took both of us to push, she was still in good spirits.

She chatted and joked with the cashier, then told her how she normally is forced to rush through the store, but today she got to experience it fully. Although this statement didn’t surprise me, as we usually do rush through the stores, it got me thinking.

Was all our rushing around causing her displeasure at the stores? If we simply gave her the time to shop (taking it slow to explore everything) would she find shopping pleasant, maybe even enjoyable? If this one trip was any indication of how to do it right, maybe it needs to be the guide for all future shopping trips.

What I learned – Allow for the time on the things your loved one enjoys - it may improve your experience and your interactions.

  What do you rush through that a loved one might want to take more time on?

Caregiving Journal - Hand-Picked

 

This week has been noteworthy for Ma’s protein consumption. The reluctant carnivore who often claims that the meat I’ve prepared makes her nauseous then gives her portions away to my husband, has not complained once about the meat this week.

This is a new record.

I started to wonder what might be causing my good luck this week and it dawned on me – the grocery trip. She selected all the cuts of meat herself. I expressed no opinions or objections, even though selecting meats is something that my husband or I normally do. This week she chose the meat and now mealtimes are complaint-free and pleasant.

What I learned – Folks like when they are allowed to be part of the decision-making. If a loved one is complaining about a certain part of their meals, have them help you select ones they prefer better.

What routines have you changed that improved a caregiving experience for the better? 

Caregiving Journal - Planning for Absence (Part 2)

Back from New York - Ma is elated we are home, though I notice Ma did not finish the pre-bottled protein shakes I left in the fridge.

Protein - She insists she told me when we were in NY that she didn’t like them and wasn’t going to drink any more of them. I recall the conversation - that she didn’t like them but never the part that she wasn’t going to drink them. This is bad news because Ma hates meat, and those were her replacements for the meat I would not be preparing on the days I was gone. If I had heard her say that, I would have insisted that she did indeed need the protein. We discuss this, and I go over the fact that the body cannot make certain enzymes without the proper proteins. Although she did eat the eggs I boiled for her, the protein was insufficient without the shakes. We discuss this fact as well, and how important it is for her to get the proper protein in her diet. Because she is diabetic she cannot get her proteins from beans (too high glycemic) and so she must get her proteins from animal sources (eggs, meats, cheeses).

Vision – Ma didn’t eat the salad I left her, although it was clearly labeled. She also said it took her a couple days to locate the cucumbers (they were in plain sight). She didn’t notice water that was on the next table but instead found the bottled waters near her on the floor. I’m not sure if she’s unobservant or having memory issues or vision troubles. Will have to ask the Naturopathic Physician she sees at her appointment this Friday.

Blood Sugar – Even though we discussed before the trip that maintaining her blood sugar means that she cannot drink pre-sweetened coffees (cappuccino for the Keurig coffee maker), I find Ma had 3 of these coffees on 1 day with the high blood sugar readings to match. We discuss this, and again I reiterate that only one pre-sugared coffee is safest for her. I remind her of the pathology involved if her blood sugar remains too high, diabetic neuropathy, peripheral neuropathy, and that avoiding the sugars helps maintain her own blood sugar and avoid those health problems. Even though Ma says nothing, I know she is listening.

Lesson Learned – 1) Even the best-laid plans can go awry. 2) If you leave your loved one home alone for a few days, have someone check on them to make sure they are eating & taking meds as planned.

Have you ever had a loved one not follow your instructions to their own detriment? How did you deal with it? Did it work?

Caregiving Journal - Planning for Absence (Part 1)

Intro - Tomorrow my husband and I leave for New York for the weekend, as Ma cannot stand long enough to cook and wash dishes, and has trouble managing all her supplements, I must plan ahead…

Food - Before the trip I head to Fred Meyer to pick up 3 days worth of food. I focus on items that are pre-packaged and ready to eat like veggie trays with dip, sliced up pieces of cheese, 2 boxes of rice crackers, cucumbers, avocados, tomatoes, prepared seaweed packs, and three packs of protein drinks (the low carbohydrate ones without sugar added). I also boil 1 dozen eggs and place them in the fridge in a clear glass dish. All the foods are low carbohydrate (low sugar) foods with high nutritional content. What is in the fridge gets labeled, so as easy to identify. Most items are in clear translucent containers for the same reason.

Medications/Supplements – All supplements are prepackaged up per day in empty (amber) prescription bottles. They are labeled 2 per day with the day and AM or PM below the day (e.g. Wed. AM). I give Ma all the bottles on 1 tray on her desk so she can take them accordingly.   Ma manages her own prescription medications, as she has just a few and the dosages seldom change. I mainly manage the supplements required, as those change based on how she’s feeling between visits and or based on new blood labs that Kaiser has run for her. Ma sees Kaiser for main medical issues but also has her care managed with a Naturopathic Physician (which I help to coordinate).

Lesson Learned – Buying pre-packaged serving packages really simplifies meals when you can’t be there to prepare food for your loved one or if he/she cannot prepare food for himself/herself.

Have you ever had to prepare a loved one for your absence? What helped you prepare? Please share here!

Senior Meal Programs & Food Safety Tips

Seniors must be conscious of their budgets as many are on fixed incomes. Seniors must be thoughtful of their nutritional needs and be aware of local community meal programs available to them. Being cautious to prevent consuming unsafe foods can also keep seniors healthy.

Meal Programs
Each local Area Agency on Aging, can provide information about meals (group or home delivered) available to seniors in the area. Three different types of meal programs available are:

1. Congregate Meals (low cost, hot, nutritious meals offered in a group setting)
2. Home-Delivered Meals (for those who are disabled or home-bound ages 60+, prepared meal delivered directly to one’s home)
3. Meals-on-Wheels (church or other local volunteers deliver hot, nutritious meals)

Food Safety
If one has vision impairments, unsafe foods can also be a risk as one may not notice the food is contaminated or moldy. I once had an older relative who was unaware she needed glasses. She had a fridge full of mold and a pantry full of weevils, and was still eating these items.

Some tips to avoid eating food past expiration:
• Write expiration dates on food packages in the fridge with a permanent black marker.
• Clean out the fridge after each shopping trip (get rid of items past expiration.)
• If you cook a large meal and divide it into several meals, write the date cooked on the storage container. Then freeze extra portions within a few days of cooking.

Organic foods are wonderful to buy when one can afford them. They are healthier “some studies suggest that organic produce has more nutrients than its conventional counterparts, probably because the soil is left in better condition after repeated plantings; and healthier because you avoid ingesting any harmful pesticide residues left on conventional produce” (TheDailyGreen.com, 2009).

However, there is a list of safe non-organic foods for the budget conscious senior (as published by TheDailyGreen.com, 2009):
1. Onions
2. Avocados
3. Sweet corn
4. Pineapples
5. Mangoes
6. Asparagus
7. Sweet Peas
8. Kiwis
9. Cabbage
10. Eggplants
11. Papayas
12. Watermelon
13. Broccoli
14. Tomatoes
15. Sweet Potatoes

Reference:
The Clean 15: Foods You Don't Have to Buy Organic. (2009). TheDailyGreen.com. Retrieved from: http://www.thedailygreen.com/healthy-eating/eat-safe/Save-on-Sustainable-Gallery-44032808#ixzz0LfDvct5M

All content © Village Memorial. 2009-2010.