Assisted Living for LGBT Seniors

Case Study

Robert and Jack are a homosexual couple, both in their 70’s, looking into assisted living options for their future needs. They have two preferences: a community that is supportive of their lifestyle and one that is intergenerational. The couple does not have financial difficulties that would limit their choices in facilities, so this is not a barrier to their search.

First Preference Options: Communities in Existence or Under Development?

            As Robert and Jack seek a supportive community that isn’t predominantly heterosexual, I might suggest they look into an LGBT retirement community. On the GLARP (Gay and Lesbian Association of Retiring Persons, Inc.) website, there are listings of retirement communities that already exist as well as some in the planning stages[1].

Since Robert and Jack are both in generally good health, they might be interested in looking in into the communities currently under development or those with plans to open an assisted living portion of the facility. The GLARP is working on a “Desert Resort Retirement Community”[2] where seniors can move in healthy, transition into assisted living, and then into a skilled nursing center. According to their site, “GLARP is in the course of securing a parcel of land within Palm Springs, California.” Other facilities in the planning stages include “Rainbow Visions” of Santa Fe, NM and “Stonewall Community” of Boston, MA.

If Robert and Jack prefer a community that already exists, so they may visit and get a feel for the place, we may want to explore other options. On the GLARP website, they list a GLBT retirement community, “Palms of Manasota” in Sarasota, Florida, with plans for opening an assisted living facility in their already existing retirement community.[3] In Gresham, OR, the “Rainbow Vista” describes itself as “Active Gay Living Community” and accommodates senior living for those ages 55+.[4] However, like the “Palms of Manasota”, “Rainbow Vista” does not presently have an assisted living facility[5], which would make “Rainbow Vista” a poor choice for Robert and Jack’s needs for continuing care. In Santa Rosa, CA, the new “Fountaingrove Lodge” expected to open this year is “a retirement community being built primarily for gay men and lesbians”[6]. Fountaingrove Lodge is first in the nation to combine “independent living and continuing care, including assistance for those with failing memories” specifically for gay men and lesbians.[7]

Second Preference Options: Intergenerational Experiences

            Although it appears most retirement communities are not intergenerational in residency, there are alternative options that could meet Robert and Jack’s needs. Places like “Friendly House” in Portland, OR connect “all ages and backgrounds through quality educational, recreational and other life-sustaining services”[8]. Also providing intergenerational experiences is “GenTog” in Tigard, Oregon, where seniors and children can spend time together as part of an Adult Day Care program.[9] Although these intergenerational activities would take place outside the retirement/assisted living community, they could help meet Robert and Jack’s needs to engage in activities that are intergenerational.

Conclusion

For Robert and Jack, “Fountaingrove Lodge” appears to be the best fit because it provides transitional care, caters to gay and lesbian seniors, and is opening soon. For intergenerational experiences, perhaps they can suggest or work with “Fountaingrove Lodge” to improve activities for the community by including younger generations for special events or happenings. Their other alternative is to seek intergenerational community day activity centers for intergenerational experiences. Either way, Robert and Jack can still meet their intellectual needs while receiving the care they need in a community that understands and supports their lifestyle.

Have you or your loved one experienced difficulty or success finding a retirement community or assisted living facility that supports a LGBT lifestyle? Please share.

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[1] http://www.gaylesbianretiring.org/lgbt-retirement-communities/

[2] http://www.gaylesbianretiring.org/glarp/

[3] http://palmsofmanasota.org/

[4] http://rainbowvista.com/

[5] http://rainbowvista.com/Questions.html

[6] http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/24/us/at-fountaingrove-lodge-in-santa-rosa-a-gay-retirement-community.html?_r=2&

[7] http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/24/us/at-fountaingrove-lodge-in-santa-rosa-a-gay-retirement-community.html?_r=2&

[8] http://www.friendlyhouseinc.org/about-us/

[9] http://gentog.com/

Caregiving Journal - Planning for Absence (Part 2)

Back from New York - Ma is elated we are home, though I notice Ma did not finish the pre-bottled protein shakes I left in the fridge.

Protein - She insists she told me when we were in NY that she didn’t like them and wasn’t going to drink any more of them. I recall the conversation - that she didn’t like them but never the part that she wasn’t going to drink them. This is bad news because Ma hates meat, and those were her replacements for the meat I would not be preparing on the days I was gone. If I had heard her say that, I would have insisted that she did indeed need the protein. We discuss this, and I go over the fact that the body cannot make certain enzymes without the proper proteins. Although she did eat the eggs I boiled for her, the protein was insufficient without the shakes. We discuss this fact as well, and how important it is for her to get the proper protein in her diet. Because she is diabetic she cannot get her proteins from beans (too high glycemic) and so she must get her proteins from animal sources (eggs, meats, cheeses).

Vision – Ma didn’t eat the salad I left her, although it was clearly labeled. She also said it took her a couple days to locate the cucumbers (they were in plain sight). She didn’t notice water that was on the next table but instead found the bottled waters near her on the floor. I’m not sure if she’s unobservant or having memory issues or vision troubles. Will have to ask the Naturopathic Physician she sees at her appointment this Friday.

Blood Sugar – Even though we discussed before the trip that maintaining her blood sugar means that she cannot drink pre-sweetened coffees (cappuccino for the Keurig coffee maker), I find Ma had 3 of these coffees on 1 day with the high blood sugar readings to match. We discuss this, and again I reiterate that only one pre-sugared coffee is safest for her. I remind her of the pathology involved if her blood sugar remains too high, diabetic neuropathy, peripheral neuropathy, and that avoiding the sugars helps maintain her own blood sugar and avoid those health problems. Even though Ma says nothing, I know she is listening.

Lesson Learned – 1) Even the best-laid plans can go awry. 2) If you leave your loved one home alone for a few days, have someone check on them to make sure they are eating & taking meds as planned.

Have you ever had a loved one not follow your instructions to their own detriment? How did you deal with it? Did it work?

Caregiving Journal - Planning for Absence (Part 1)

Intro - Tomorrow my husband and I leave for New York for the weekend, as Ma cannot stand long enough to cook and wash dishes, and has trouble managing all her supplements, I must plan ahead…

Food - Before the trip I head to Fred Meyer to pick up 3 days worth of food. I focus on items that are pre-packaged and ready to eat like veggie trays with dip, sliced up pieces of cheese, 2 boxes of rice crackers, cucumbers, avocados, tomatoes, prepared seaweed packs, and three packs of protein drinks (the low carbohydrate ones without sugar added). I also boil 1 dozen eggs and place them in the fridge in a clear glass dish. All the foods are low carbohydrate (low sugar) foods with high nutritional content. What is in the fridge gets labeled, so as easy to identify. Most items are in clear translucent containers for the same reason.

Medications/Supplements – All supplements are prepackaged up per day in empty (amber) prescription bottles. They are labeled 2 per day with the day and AM or PM below the day (e.g. Wed. AM). I give Ma all the bottles on 1 tray on her desk so she can take them accordingly.   Ma manages her own prescription medications, as she has just a few and the dosages seldom change. I mainly manage the supplements required, as those change based on how she’s feeling between visits and or based on new blood labs that Kaiser has run for her. Ma sees Kaiser for main medical issues but also has her care managed with a Naturopathic Physician (which I help to coordinate).

Lesson Learned – Buying pre-packaged serving packages really simplifies meals when you can’t be there to prepare food for your loved one or if he/she cannot prepare food for himself/herself.

Have you ever had to prepare a loved one for your absence? What helped you prepare? Please share here!