Caregiving Journal - Making Time

The big outing for today was a 2-hour shopping trip to the grocery store. Now this may sound silly, but you don’t know Ma.

Ma can become cantankerous on shopping trips. If she’s not hurling complaints about the store itself, she may likely wander off in a place like Costco, where she can be impossible to find at the petite stature of 5 feet 2 inches.

But today was different. Ma was walking slowly, pacing herself through the store. We deliberated on each aisle, reading what it contained, and then deciding if we needed anything on it. She reminded me of things we needed that I’d forgotten. We negotiated and came to an agreement to pass on foods that weren’t diabetic-friendly (I relented on the Gluten Free Waffles.) We talked about veggies each of us liked, that neither of us knew the other liked (and threw some in the cart.) I asked her which meats she liked and she picked out a few types. And, as we finally ended up at the register with a full cart that took both of us to push, she was still in good spirits.

She chatted and joked with the cashier, then told her how she normally is forced to rush through the store, but today she got to experience it fully. Although this statement didn’t surprise me, as we usually do rush through the stores, it got me thinking.

Was all our rushing around causing her displeasure at the stores? If we simply gave her the time to shop (taking it slow to explore everything) would she find shopping pleasant, maybe even enjoyable? If this one trip was any indication of how to do it right, maybe it needs to be the guide for all future shopping trips.

What I learned – Allow for the time on the things your loved one enjoys - it may improve your experience and your interactions.

  What do you rush through that a loved one might want to take more time on?

Ordinary Events Make Memories Too

I recently found and washed an old black and white comforter my grandmother bought me back when I was in school. Although the black portion of the blanket has now faded to gray from too many washes and it still contains a medium cobalt blue stain from the time I spilled nail polish on the bed, I refuse to get rid of it.

The blanket now represents my memory of an event that will never take place again. My grandmother and I had shopped together to select and purchase the blanket; an outing I no longer even see as a remote possibility. Of all the photos, perfumes and memorable items I’ve collected in efforts to salvage my memories of my grandmother before she is gone, this is the only item I have that represents an activity we shared together.

We seldom value the errands we share with our loved ones. Things as trivial as buying a blanket at the mall or shopping for groceries are no doubt less memorable than a holiday celebration or a family dinner. Yet sometimes such trivialities are all that we have left of our time together. We should cherish any time we share with those special people in our lives, however we spend it – it may be all the time we get.

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