Well, we just had a person die, and the son told the
father. We asked him if they wanted to take the father to the funeral, and the
family said no. The nurses themselves don’t really go into it. The son doesn’t
think that his father remembers. I don’t know if his father remembers or not,
but he doesn’t have a NEED to know. We don’t think it’s our business to say,
“Do you remember your wife?” “Well she died.” To the demented person it doesn’t
mean anything. We just meet the needs of the person individually. If it was a
person who keeps on saying “where is my wife”, “where is my wife”, then we
would probably tell him that we are really sorry, but that she had died. But
then they have people walking around asking, “Did I get my pills?” “Did I get
my pills?” You don’t have to keep repeating. So again it is just really
individual. We also go off just what the family members want. It’s their
family.
Many long-term care facilities use POLST forms to keep track
of their patient’s end-of-life wishes. Some facilities also have on-staff
social workers that can help families work through advanced directives for
their loved ones.
Have you had the difficult choice of informing a person with
dementia about the death of their loved one? How did you handle it?
