Today I had a miscommunication with Pa over coffee. Before
starting to serve coffee I asked Pa if he’d already made himself a cup. He
confirmed he had and I asked him if he’d added the new creamer in the fridge.
He said he hadn’t and that he drank the coffee black.
So, I proceeded to serve my sis her coffee, then prepared my
own. As I started drinking my cup, Pa asked, “Where’s mine?” I said, “Oh, did
you want another cup? You usually don’t drink more than one.” Then Pa mentioned
that he hadn’t had any coffee yet today. “You didn’t?” I asked, “but we just
had a whole conversation about you making a cup of black coffee without the
cream.” Pa corrected me, explaining that he hadn’t been talking about today,
but another day. Needless to say, I served him a cup of coffee, but I wondered
what exactly went wrong. Pa tried to blame the odd misunderstanding on the
paper-shredder noise, but he wasn’t using it at the time.
So I think back to two weeks ago when the flu left me with
laryngitis, and I had to whisper everything to communicate for 2 whole days. Pa
told me not to talk to him until I got my voice back and sounded “normal”.
While I was offended at the time, I now realize that it’s likely my whispers
were unintelligible to him.
A week after that, my sister came into the room Pa was
sitting in to ask her to turn down the volume to his computer. She was hearing
the TV show Pa was watching in the next room, even though the door to her
office door was closed, and Pa had headphones on. (Yes, he was wearing headphones
and Sis could still hear the show in the
next room with the door closed.)
In the last few weeks when I’ve tried to ask Pa something,
he often does not respond. I usually end up calling him loudly to get his
attention and then repeating whatever it was I said. If we haven’t made eye
contact yet, he often isn’t listening.
I had interpreted Pa’s behavior as passive aggressive
behavior or that he was mad about something. However recently, the last few
times when I’ve walked up to Pa to tell him something, he’s jumped and clutched
his chest out of fear from my having surprised him, even though I was talking
as I walked up. I’ve now started raising my voice to gain Pa’s attention.
It’s becoming pretty clear that Pa’s hearing is a big
problem. After 26 years working at the airport, the noise damage has taken a
toll. It concerns me that recent studies have found that older adults with
hearing loss have increased risk of cognitive decline, and Pa’s own mother died
from dementia. Pa has mentioned
considering a hearing aid before. I think now’s a good time to start exploring
his options.
Lessons Learned – 1) Don’t raise your voice. Get someone’s
attention before speaking to them. 2) Get close to them when talking. 3) Make
eye contact to be sure the person knows you are speaking to them.
Caregivers - Have you had a sensory perception misunderstanding? What did you discover? How did you augment it?
Caregivers - Have you had a sensory perception misunderstanding? What did you discover? How did you augment it?
